I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Randomize
