I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Michael Bay diarrhea
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
