you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
