Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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