omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
