I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
