I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
