don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
