I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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