He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
