I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
