I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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