So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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