I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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