We won't sleep together?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
All the doctor said was why
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize