mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
