A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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