shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
