Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
