Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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