I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
