So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
