he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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