you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
