I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
