dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize