do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
