so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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