So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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