i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
