i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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