My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
