Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
