It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
