there's paper in my vomit.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
