nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My liver just had a heart attack.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
