when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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