ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
