I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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