You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
