HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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