then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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