He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
