I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
