I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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