Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
