the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
