a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
