remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
