i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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