Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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