wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
