Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
