Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Randomize
