you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
