well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
