i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
