I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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