so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
