I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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