Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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