hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
