I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize