Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
