I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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