She said her name was "party"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
