She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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