Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
