Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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